Wednesday, November 12, 2008

know and be known.

what's really been on my mind lately is the thought of community.

to know and be known.

many of us have had people walk out, move away, hurt and disappoint us, not keep their word.
and many of us have done the same to others. when this happens, it becomes so easy to lose your faith in humanity.

but people are beautiful. they can surprise you and make you laugh and be there for you and call at just the right time and bring you lunch and go to walmart with you late at night and stay up all night IMing you and share their hopes and dreams and stories and their whole lives with you.

don't lose faith. give people a chance. love with your whole heart.

I HEART MALLORY!
she is a great and amazing friend,
and a beautiful person.
everyone go get yourself a Mallory :)

who watched the new Private Practice tonight??????

"It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real."
--Tori

Monday, November 10, 2008

just another lame monday.

i took an exam. blah, probably didn't do so well.
it was government.

slept and hung out at Ashlee's forever, i love her.

then went to work. just me and Keith and Jamey, but Tiff stayed till closing, so not too bad. just boring and slow. and my phone died early! Shi brought me Golden C though...now THAT is a best friend!!!
her and Tiff talked about their awkward husbands and other awkward things, so needless to say...it was awkward :) hehe.

i love Melissa Leigh. she is amazing. i could NOT ask for a better friend.

and i have met Pauline and Sara, two really great, beautiful girls with big hearts!

"We know that pain is very real."
--Tori

Sunday, November 9, 2008

living for the nights i'll never forget

-late night trips to walmart
-setting off all the dancing christmas decorations 
-dancing with a christmas tree in the aisle
-buying only kitkats and lunchables
-following high school boys all the way down southwest parkway
-big huge hugs
-goodnight and i love you texts


amazingness.

"Millions of homes are filled with questions--moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay."
--Tori

Saturday, November 8, 2008

oh saturday.

Well hello.

It's the weekend...should be exciting and fascinating, but not so much. I guess when you get out of high school, the weekend doesn't mean much anymore.

Last night was pretty lame...at least I got to see Melissa for a bit. I watched TV on mute all night...I wanted to be with people.

I've met a girl named Anna. She's a talented writer. And she has a story.

Probably much like your own.

I've been thinking a lot about community. I love the idea. I just don't know where to go from here. I don't think I have anything close. What does community mean to you?

Look up.

"Millions of people live with problems of pain."
--Tori

Borrowed Words

Sometimes in life you have a platform. Who knows how big it will be. Who knows which people, if any, will even listen. And most importantly, what do you say? Once given a platform, how do you use it? And who do you use it for?

A lot of times you won't have the words. I don't know whether anyone even reads my blog. But if you are reading, this is a platform of mine. Right now, I have much to say, but I don't have the words. 

So I'm borrowing them from beautiful people, all heroes of mine. Get to know their words. Get to know these human beings. Don't miss out on life and people.

"To Write Love on Her Arms is a decision to love and to begin telling a true story. It's the realization of what life can be when we commit to meeting a need. Love can change a life. We can hold back the darkness. Rescue is possible. We continue to write this story, and we begin to offer hope to the many hopeless who walk these dark roads. A Jimmy Eat World lyric has been stuck in my head today, 'Believe your voice can mean something.'" --Jamie, To Write Love on Her Arms

There was a sense of urgency and that really hit me because it's something you almost never see in these days where cool is king. The best songs, the best bands and nights-- they remind you you're alive. They remind you it's okay to cry, okay to celebrate and dream, okay to push and move and change. Okay to believe. I hope you find something true and moving, here or somewhere soon. More important, I hope you find a gang as good as Brooklyn, and moments as bright as the nights in New York City. We were meant for it.  --Jamie, TWLOHA

What do you say when there's a girl in the room whose mother was shot and killed while buying Christmas presents? What do you say when you're asked to talk about suffering-- do you tell them you were just on vacation in Europe? We all live with questions, we can all relate to pain, we all get stuck... and we aren't meant to live alone under the weight (and silence) of our questions. It seems we're meant to share our questions, to invite other people into the broken parts of our life, and to learn to meet our friends in the difficult places in their lives as well.  --Jamie, TWLOHA

We believe that hope belongs in places where you wouldn't expect to find it. We believe that hope belongs in places where people go. Because we believe that hope is for people. All people. Not just cool people or people who look a certain way or think a certain way. And we like surprises. We're aware of the tension and we're aiming for change.  --Jamie, TWLOHA

I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships, so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.  --from The Shack by William P. Young

Take a moment today and remember Martin Luther King. Learn from his life. He was dangerous in the best way. There are things worth fighting for and he fought well. Martin Luther King believed that freedom was justice, that change was possible and that hope was something true. Maybe hope is believing in something before it can be seen. My friend Byron says it begins by believing we're not alone. Martin Luther King spoke to problems and solutions in a day when neither were popular discussion. His voice led a movement that changed the course of history, and his words are no less true today.  --Jamie, TWLOHA

I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.  --The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Simple words, containing simple truth. Deep words, containing profound truth. No words at all, containing silent truth. These are honest conversations. Opening up to one another; pouring our your heart; finding this ever-important sense of community. Realizing that you're not alone; that we're all asking the same questions. Finding strength in weakness. Hope in pain. Love in loss. Peace in tragedy. This is more than an organization; more than a movement; more than a revolution. This is an attempt at pure honesty. We all have stories. Stories that we don't tell. Scars that we hide. Pain we can't bear. Whether self-inflicted or not, these things are hard. Maybe it's time to take the weight off your shoulders. Maybe it's time to open up to those around you. Maybe it's time to participate in this life. It's time to find community. To experience what others have to offer. Hope; love; truth; peace; honesty. Honest conversations. Because you're not alone. You haven't been abandoned. These things are temporary. There is more to life than you know. Look up. Remember the stars.  --Eric, Honest Conversations

We live in a time where we find that many people are so lonely and lost. We are here to start a movement because we know that every last one of us on earth is loved, by someone, you may find it hard to believe, but I am aware of the love surrounding us, everyday. Love is a beautiful thing.  --Anna, These Love Notes

You should never, ever give up on what you want, on what you believe in. If you believe that you can do something to change who you are, or what you have to deal with, or if you want to help change others' lives, do not give up on it. Promise me that you will stay strong and never give up on your dreams.  --Anna, TLN

Your story is meant to be told in parts, in pieces, broken because that is the only way, to put things back together again. Your story is meant to come alive, out of the dark places. No need for long explanations or long sentences. It's all about one word at a time. The memories, the confusion, find one word for it. Less is more sometimes, remember that. When silence knocks at your door, turn to a window. Look up at the sky. Close your eyes and breathe in the air. You will be free, you will live. Listen to the singing of the world. There is a song. So today, don't be afraid to step forward and lift your voice.  --Allie, Hope in Darkness

You are beautiful. You are loved. Commit to memory, my friends. I talk a lot about a book called Blue Like Jazz. I love how Don Miller writes and slowly unfolds these incredible bits of insightful inspiration. We live in a world that is 'cracked' as Don puts it. A world that seems as if it was intended for something better. But somewhere along the way, something went wrong and the result is hate. Pain. Grief. Depression. People get twisted and do things that hurt others. They act on impulse, not out of love. Not out of consideration. Know that you are an amazing person made for something more. I don't know what that is, but look past the ugliness of life. Hope is there. This world is not a lovely place, but don't get caught up in the darkness and sorrow, that only makes it stronger. Stand up and point your finger up. Fight the sorrow. Keep reminding yourself that you were not made for this. Don't lose yourself. Don't give yourself up to this breaking world. Realize that all the pain, all the hurt and horror, it is not your fault. It is a side-effect of this unavoidable evil. It is contaminating the minds of many. Help fight this. Together we CAN help. "We must hold our hands together against a broken world, to stop the bleeding." There is always hope, and belief in this is the first step. Speak up. You are not alone. Reach out your hand and someone will be there.  --Allie, HID

We want to empower YOU to be the change you want to see in the world... We believe that it starts with us. We are the ones who will make the biggest impact in our generation and the world.  --Faceless International

We believe that the lesson is in the struggle, not the victory. We are all one, we are all called to love. That's really all it takes.  --Open Our Eyes

We are a community of struggle. Some of us are rich people trying to escape our loneliness. Some of us are poor folks trying to escape the cold. Some of us are addicted to drugs, and others are addicted to money. We are a broken people who need each other and God, for we have come to recognize the mess that we have created of our world and how deeply we suffer from that mess. Now we are working together to give birth to a new society within the shell of the old. Another world is possible. Another world is necessary. Another world is here.  --Shane Claiborne

"We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss."
--Tori







Friday, November 7, 2008

Boredom.

So I'm bored and alone with nothing to do...
:(
sad.
Guess I could read.

Finished Go Ask Alice. It ended pretty good, until I saw and read the epilogue. If you ever read it, skip the epilogue. No good at all.

I'm sponsoring 2 kids from Compassion! Isaac is 6 and lives in Ecuador and Jazmin is 4 and lives in Peru. They're so adorable. Got their pics on MySpace and Facebook. 

I hate being alone.
Anyways.
Gonna find something to read.

"We all wake to the human condition."
--Tori

About Me

My name is Victoria Leann, but mostly known as Tori

I'm 19 and a freshman in college

I go to Midwestern State University, it's a good school. But i hate school and miss WCS

I have an apartment with my roomie Christina

My parents are pretty great

My brother Josh is 16 and he's a cool kid. He plays football and basketball and is into music

My sister Bekah is 12 and the greatest. She's really into sports and plays volleyball and basketball

My brother Noah is 11 and hilarious. He plays soccer and makes weird videos on youtube

I have a cat named Izzie at my parents house, and they just got a boxer named Sarah Palin

I love Jesus :)

My friends are very very important to me

I want a pet that lives with me

I love kids and I want a million of them

I want to be a counselor, and maybe a teacher

I want to have a platform, and use it for the glory of God

I want to make a difference in people's lives

I want to make people happy

Days of Our Lives is my soap...I'm watching it right now

My reality TV experience extends to America's Next Top Model, Stylista, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Trading Spaces, What Not to Wear, and the occasional season of Big Brother or The Bachelor/ette

I'm a sucker for 90s music. It's my era

I'm a singer at heart

I want a Hyundai Tiburon. Bright blue

I like bands with female lead vocalists. Cuz I like that a girl can rock

I dye my hair a lot

I have stacks of unread books everywhere in my room...on the bookshelf, on the desk, middle of the floor, magazine basket, under my bed. Soon I'll finish them all

I'm extremely opinionated...I just know when to keep my mouth shut

The end of Joan of Arcadia made me very very very angry. I wrote letters

I have Legally Blonde, Where the Heart Is, and Music and Lyrics memorized almost word for word

I will never ever have enough pairs of jeans or flip flops

I hate driving

I get sudden urges to run through sprinklers

I'm a Cowboys fan. Mainly a Romo fan

Silence really is golden

My favorite color is black. Then white. Then purple

My favorite flowers are white roses and lilies

I have names picked out for my kids. Of course I won't have this many kids...maybe...but: Sawyer Peighton, Arden Cambree, Sienna Kahlen, Meradyth Sage, Ashtyn Micah, Brooklynne Aliece, Adrianne Capri, Parker Tristan, Spencer Ethan, Caden Seth, Ian Hunter, and Talan Landon

I'm moving to Hawaii in 2 months

I'd love to be a movie producer or artist manager for musicians

I want to open my own coffee shop and have musicians play

I like diet coke

I'm a sweet tea addict

I love to run

I live on caffeine

I have 'blonde' tendencies

Done!

"You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck."
--Tori

Acknowledgements...

To the people who support me, the ones who make me happy, and the best friends in the world.
-my parents
-my brothers
-my sister
-the rest of my family
-Misty Antee
-Melissa Ebmeyer
-Karly Smith
-Jacki Sanderson
-Ashleigh Palmer/Wynn whatever
-Ashlee Wiseman
-Amanda Killingsworth
-William Coffey
-Shiloh Kibbey
-Taylor Green
-Kaila Smith
-Sean Snyder
-Christina Shrum
-Raychel Fristoe
-Kristin Conyers
-Collin Pittman
-Cherene Cagle
-Matt Cagle
-Courtney Cummings
-Courtney York
-Kelley Bell
-Tiffany Mueller
-Solveig Gronau

"Everyone can relate to pain, all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments."
--Tori

Some Quotes

As for me, I was just trying to get it right, whatever that meant. But now I finally felt I was on my way. Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment that took my breath away, then gave it back--leaving me astounded, amazed, and most of all, ALIVE.   ---The Truth About Forever, by Sarah Dessen

This was just one night, one chance to vary and see where it took me. The fireflies were probably already out: maybe it wasn't just a season or a time but a whole world I'd forgotten. I'd never know until I stepped out into it. So I did.  ---The Truth About Forever, by Sarah Dessen

I love that book. All of her books, actually. I still haven't gotten the new one, Lock and Key, its not out in paperback yet. Anyways, so last night was work. It was ok, nothing exciting happened, really slow. Always fun working with best friends, despite drama. Mel, Ashleigh, and Shiloh closed with me. Then I had to come home and study for my government exam, which me and Tina thought was today...apparently its Monday. Dang it. I thought I could just finish fast and come back home and sleep. No such luck. I have Psych soon, shouldn't be too bad, I really do like the class. Its just hard. No work today. Who knows what I'll do? I kinda wanna stay home and chill, maybe read. I'm reading Go Ask Alice. It's teen fiction and I'm not sure I really like it, but it's a quick read, and I'm into it. 

"Life is hard for most people most of the time."
--Tori  





Thursday, November 6, 2008

I'M SO SICK OF...

--hearing about the bad shape of the economy
(yes, the economy sucks. it's not George Bush's fault. get over it.)
--"change"
(don't people have any respect for Gandhi?? he said BE THE CHANGE, not vote for it.)
--missing high school
(can't go back, don't really want to...why waste time reliving the past?)
--my iPod being dead
(i need music and keep forgetting to charge! ugh!)
--being lazy
(it accomplishes very little and i want to get active!)
--stacks of books sitting around my room unread
(i lack motivation and focus. c'mon Tori, READ!)
--returning unwatched movies to Hastings
(mostly because they're lame. someone create an amazing movie, FAST)
--not being able to think of things to write on this blog
(so i'm writing lists. haha)
--being sick
(cough, sniffle, cough, sneeze, ahhhhhhh)
--school
(i'm so over the college thing. i have stuff to do)
--complaints about the election results
(if you didn't vote, SHUT UP. if you voted McCain, good decision, but there's nothing you can do about his loss. sorry. be WE the people and get over it.)
--my hair
(it won't straighten! is something wrong with my beloved sedu???)
--people who voted for Obama because he's ending the war and bringing our troops home
(he's not bringing them home. he's relocating them to afghanistan. the war is far from over. check your facts before you start debates)


"We live in a difficult world, a broken world."
--Tori

Laziness.

I was planning on sleeping until 1 today. That didn't happen because Christina came in my room at 10:45 asking if I had the other car seat in my car and trying to find my keys. God bless her though, awake is always better than asleep. Though it's 2:29 now and I still haven't gotten out of bed, I have accomplished a few things.
{Christina/Tina is my roommate}
{Car seat belongs to Mel/Melissa, a best friend we share, though not always wanting to share... she has 2 kids and they're adorable and Tina and I each had a car seat in our cars for JIC moments. Mel's mom came in town today from Michigan so she needed the car seats...anyways.}

I finished Purpose for the Pain by Renee Yohe. If you have never heard of Renee and her story or To Write Love on Her Arms, I encourage you to go to www.twloha.com and read the Vision and Renee's Story. Jamie Tworkowski is a very talented writer and has a great heart. Renee's book is pretty intense, so it isn't for everyone, but for anyone who feels alone and is longing for something REAL.

I got an email today that is very very important to me. It doesn't say  much at all, but the fact that it was sent is a really big step and I am more hopeful now than ever about the situation. So praise God for that!

I also signed up for Facebook Mobile, which is pretty cool. I recommend it.

I'm contemplating applying for an internship with To Write Love on Her Arms. I'm kinda stuck on ideas for the video application. Help anyone?

Movie of the moment is Another Cinderella Story starring Selena Gomez from Disney's 'Wizards of Waverly Place'. Yeah, it sounds cheesy..because it is. But it's also inspirational, and who doesn't love any kind of new take on the classic story of Cinderella? The actors are very talented dancers. Definitely check it out.

Music of the moment is Saving Jane, a band from Columbus, Ohio. You may know already that I'm a huge fan of bands with female lead vocalists, and that is no different with Saving Jane. Lead singer Marti Dodson has an amazing voice. For a song about true friendship, check out "Autumn and Me". The song "Grace" is a reassuring song about finding light in the darkness. And "Imperfection" is a feel-good song with a strong message in girl power :)

Don't forget to catch an all-new GREYS ANATOMY tonight at 8c!!

"You need to know that your life matters."
--Tori

Top 10 Favorite TV Shows...

...as of right now.

10. Stylista (CW)
Directed by Claudia Frank

9. Friends (whatever station it appears on at the time)
Created by David Crane and Marta Kaufmann
Favorite Character: Monica Geller-Bing

8. Gilmore Girls (ABC Family)
Created by Amy Sherman
Favorite Character: Lorelai Gilmore
"When characters make mistakes, clear consequences almost always follow."

7. Privileged (CW)
Favorite Character: Rose Baker

6. Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)
Created by Craig Wright
Favorite Characters: Jeremy and Juliet Darling

5. Army Wives (Lifetime)
Created by Katherine Fugate
Favorite Character: Roxy LeBlanc
"Affirming messages about family and forgiveness are embedded here"

4. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
Directed by David Dryden

3. Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
Created by Shonda Rhimes
Favorite Character: Meredith Grey

2. Private Practice (ABC)
Created by Shonda Rhimes
Favorite Character: Violet Turner
"Gives more weight to the social issues, has the power to influence a lot of people"

1. One Tree Hill (CW)
Created by Mark Schwahn
Favorite Characters: Peyton Sawyer and Jamie Scott

--Reviews courtesy of Pluggedinonline.com

"You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story."
--Tori

Top 10 Favorite Songs...

...as of right now.

10. While I'm Waiting by John Waller
Best Line: I'm waiting on You, Lord, though it is painful.
  "Raw, earnest, challenging lyrics" 

9. You're Not Alone by Meredith Andrews
Best Line: I have seen you through the darkest night and I'm the One who's loved you
all your life.
"Reassuring, transcends a hit-making writing session"

8. Love is Not a Fight by Warren Barfield
Best Line: Love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.
"Boasting a clean guitar pop sound"

7. So Small by Carrie Underwood
Best Line: When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small.
"Play into Underwood's small-town-girl persona but open-ended enough to be relatable"

6. Don't Worry Now by Britt Nicole
Best Line: You're right here next to me and I can finally breathe.

5. Love Remains the Same by Gavin Rossdale
Best Line: Everything will change but love remains the same.

4. Hallelujah by Kate Voegele
Best Line: It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

3. Love Me by JJ Heller
Best Line: I will love you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become.

2. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
Best Line: Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

1. I'll Be by Edwin McCain
Best Line: You're my living proof my love is alive, not dead.
"Jangly, anthemic rock"

--All reviews courtesy of Billboard.com

Great songs! Go listen!

"You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known."
--Tori

My First Blog

To whom it may concern:

It's been a really long time since I wrote a blog. I was trying to think of something significant to write in a blog for my myspace, and it occurred to me to just start an entire blog. 

Today was an okay day...I've been sick so that's no good. I worked closing shift tonight, but it wasn't too bad. Worked with Tiffany, Shiloh and Brooke, which is always fun. And we were really slow. 

I'm watching Dawson's Creek right now, which I've always loved. Poor Katie Holmes though...she used to be so great. Haha. 

Barack Obama won the presidential election yesterday. We'll see how that turns out. He didn't get my vote. 

I'm reading Purpose for the Pain by Renee Yohe...it's pretty intense. Renee is definitely a hero of mine. Visit www.twloha.com for her story.

I'm tired. Goodnight all.

"You were created to love and be loved."

--Tori